


hoodie cutie (금빛 눈)

by onlywheniwalkaway



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alpha Park Chanyeol, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Denial of Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hoodies, Human Kim Jongdae | Chen, Intimacy, Jongdae loves all wolves, M/M, Self-Discovery, Slow Burn, Summer Love, Trauma, and all wolves love Jongdae, so many hoodies it's wild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:41:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26303614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlywheniwalkaway/pseuds/onlywheniwalkaway
Summary: all jongdae can be is a manhe wants the hoodies that jongin wears in his handhe (tells himself that he) doesn’t like park chanyeolbut he stands in the wolf’s expensive hoodie brand
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 9
Kudos: 71





	hoodie cutie (금빛 눈)

**Author's Note:**

> [This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQklNpxP0D8) and [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuEEEwgdAZs) are the soundtrack to this story. 
> 
> I was thinking of [Jongdae smoll burrito hoodie](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/a8/70/96/a870960e578dab2034a3641fe0962cdb.gif) and this happened.
> 
> ps. i know wolves don't purr, but they do make a similar rumbling noise... so, tometo, tomato.

* * *

_❝ this summer, i’ll go back and revisit the memories. maybe then, i can let go faster. ❞_

* * *

_❝ this summer? i’ll let my heart want what it wants. ❞_

* * *

Jongdae had brought only his credit card, his id card, his transportation card, and nothing else.

Sitting at the bus stop, he leaned back in his dongsaeng’s warm yellow hoodie that swallowed him whole. The strings of the hood he tightened so much that only his eyes, nose, and lips were out to the atmosphere.

It was cold to Jongdae. No matter hot summer was to others. Jongdae was always a little colder, so he stuffed the long cuffs his hands couldn’t fill into the pocket of the hoodie.

Today, he wanted to go to the beach, getting away from Jongin’s complaints.

He climbed up the bus, scanning his transportation pass. Jongdae looked up to find out that all seats had been taken except for one at the back. Travelers were packed during the summer. So Jongdae made his way silently, eyes meeting a pair of big bright chocolate eyes blinking at him.

“May I?” Jongdae realized that he must have looked ridiculous with the way his face was visible through the smallest hoodie circle.

“Oh! Of course!” He looked so much younger than him, the white-haired man.

Jongdae nodded when he motioned for him to take a seat beside him.

The white head stared at him curiously a few more seconds before leaning to his right, head pressing against the glass window, staring out to the sea blue sky and flowers around them.

Jongdae closed his eyes, trying to remember what he did the last time he was here.

Once they stopped at the beach, Jongdae walked in tandem with the beat of his heart. Taking off his sneakers, he let his toes dig into the sand as he made his way closer to the sea.

At one point, Jongdae had to roll up the trouser legs, so he wouldn’t drag the fabric across the sand and let the sea dampen it. Jongin had certainly grown so much taller than him.

It was nice, running away from the city. Letting his worries flowed with the sea breeze, Jongdae sat upon the sand, eyes watching local and foreign tourists walk by and play with the sea before him.

He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there when suddenly a beach ball hit him at the back of his head.

A small child emerged, face flushed, red hair damped with the sea, wolfish pout, breathing uneven, saying sorry profusely. Jongdae merely chuckled and gave the beach ball back. It was alright. Jongdae had dealt with problems worse than that.

The morning grew hotter, the afternoon grew colder, the evening even much more freezing as the sea wafted the chilling wind all around the island. He remembered the sea being more eventful than this, but then again, he was here alone, voice unspoken, eyes red from the harsh wind and the tears.

Jongdae ignored his need to drink and eat for the whole day before finally sitting up, stretching himself, walking back to the pavement, dusting off his feet, and putting his sneakers back on.

The thing was Jongdae still found himself shaking as he walked back to Jongin’s apartment. Perhaps, he had underestimated how cold that summer night could be. Or perhaps, it was just him, unable to stand the weather.

It was a long way back. At this hour, there weren’t any buses.

Jongdae tried his best to stay awake, taking a break at a convenience store before continuing his walk.

Along the ramen aisle, he spotted a white head of hair. The person stood tall, back imposing towards him. Jongdae stared for a moment and looked back at the rows of ramen, finding what he wanted to cook and eat. Silently, he picked two cups of cheese-flavored instant ramen that he had always hated so much and walked up to the counter to pay.

When he got back to the heater, the white head was there, working with the hot water, cooking his ramen. Jongdae was correct. It was the same man.

And it wasn’t Jongdae intention to make it awkward by staring and not saying anything.

“Oh… um… I’m done.” the deep voice stuttered through his sentence, and he was off, leaving Jongdae to his own cooking.

It must be creepy for the white-hair man because Jongdae didn’t mean to sit on the same counter as him. It had a nice view of the street, the night sky. Besides, Jongdae was sitting three empty seats away from him, so he hoped it wasn’t too much.

But then again, Jongdae had a feeling that he should be the one to be scared as he caught a glimpse of gold flickering in the man’s chocolate eyes.

Jongdae kept his attention on his two cup ramen, hands untying the strings and taking off his hood, letting his flock of dark raven hair free from the thick fabric of Jongin’s sunny hoodie. 

He was debating whether or not he should’ve at least picked his favorite of spicy flavor for one cup instead of eating two cheese flavors, but Jongdae loved torturing himself, so it wasn’t a big deal.

Again, Jongdae remembered eating ramen here more eventful the last time. He would be talking and talking and talking all night, eating until his body was just ramen, laughing to his heart content. Now, he had only finished one cup of ramen, and he wanted to stop. He didn’t understand why his wolf loved this flavor so much when it was, in fact, inedible.

Jongdae sighed, picking up the other cup and threw away the empty cup, leaving the store, eating the rest of the ramen, slurping the soup as he journeyed back to Jongin’s apartment beneath the light of the crescent moon.

In the distance, he could hear the howls of the wolves of Jeju island, filling him with nostalgia, the times he howled with the other packs even though he was just a human child. The wolves would make fun of his weak human voice, but they still adored him, quite impressed by his singing voice instead. He was the one who gave away free candies after all. No wolves could deny him.

Soon, Jongdae felt something different. A strange kind of pull. Then, he looked back at the same white-hair man following him from behind. It startled them both.

Jongdae shook his head, walking ahead. He wasn’t the only pedestrian in this town. The wolf behind him must felt even guiltier for walking behind him this way.

It was 3 am that he finally got to Jongin’s apartment.

He punched in the codes. Once he closed the door, he went straight for the couch and fell asleep.

Jongdae opened his eyes to 11:00 am on the clock, and he figured that since Jongin wasn’t home to complain to him, he would just laze around all day as he dug into Jongin’s closet for more hoodies and sweatpants that were just too big for him.

“Hyung…” Jongin was finally present in the apartment a week later. “We need a singer asap. It’s just the opening, hyung.”

Jongdae leaned back against Jongin’s chest, finding comfort in the way he purred against his back. His hands reached back to pet the wolf’s hair as he hummed in easy agreement. “Sure… if you say so.” He couldn’t really refuse his favorite dongsaeng.

The opening act had bombed on the last second, and Jongin’s crew needed all the help they could get.

So Jongdae found himself lost in the middle of the island, lost in a festival he had never been to, lost in flashy clothes he had never been in, lost in practicing songs he had never heard of.

When Jongdae stepped into the backstage area, he found himself in the arms of the same white-haired man though now the hair was styled into a soft mullet, and it somehow made him looked even younger.

Jongdae should be eating properly instead of falling all over the place really.

“Oh… you must be the singer? I’m Chanyeol, the guitarist.” There was an air of innocence around him even though he was a grown wolf.

“Yeah, I’m Jongdae, the human.” And it drew a peal of bright laughter from the wolf that lighted Jongdae’s heart in ways he had forgotten he could feel.

“I’m glad I didn’t scare you off ... we keep running into each other.” Chanyeol smiled at him, and it made Jongdae want to smile back, so he did.

“No, if anything, it’s making us comfortable with each other,” Jongdae nonchalantly stated, and it made Chanyeol realize that he was still holding on Jongdae’s shoulders.

The wolf whimpered and backed off shyly, surprised at his own actions. “Sorry…”

“It’s alright. I’ve been told that my scent is quite enticing for a human.”

Jongin’s whole pack had been saying the same thing that it calmed them, made them purr, helped them think clearly. Jongdae didn’t understand how it truly worked, but he was happy he could offer such feelings, especially to his wolf. However, Chanyeol and a few others, new additions to the pack, didn’t know about Jongdae. After all, he had been living in the city, and it was nice to know that Jongin had been expanding his pack. Unlike Jongdae. Not that he had any human pack, but the human had been growing lonely this summer. Something he didn’t plan ahead of time.

Coming back to find the wolves that were once his friends had been a safety net Jongdae needed for the moment. And finding Chanyeol blushing for a big wolf was even more endearing.

“Oh— I didn’t mean to smell you… so— sorry.”

“Don’t worry. You can’t control it. I don’t mind.”

Jongdae felt something in his heart when Chanyeol beamed happily at his forgiveness. Jongdae could almost see the tail wagging if he had been in his wolf form. And it gave Jongdae something warm in the midst of his storm, making Jongdae turn away, walking towards the mirrors, pretending to fix his hair and clothes.

When Jongdae stepped on the stage, he remembered the times he sang in front of the audience. It reminded him of the thrill. And even now as the audience cheered for the music to start, Jongdae felt it again. Something close to home. Something close to him.

As he belted through his notes, Jongdae was comforted by the memories and the past. The times he had sung for his wolf and how much his wolf loved his singing even though it wasn’t his profession.

Even now, while Jongdae jumped around the stage, gauging with the audience, he found comfort in Chanyeol shredding his electric guitar. He thought it had been the appropriate thing to do, going up close and personal to guitarists and singing against them. A trope that every singer loved to do when there was a guitar around.

It was only when Jongdae had to stop and stare at Chanyeol as he began his solo piece that the human realized how close they were, how intense Jongdae was staring, how hard Jongdae had been biting his lips.

Jongdae turned away, shouting for the audience’s screams and applauses for Chanyeol’s solo.

Once it all ended the opening act, Jongdae rushed downward, giving back the stagehand his microphone and mic receiver. Swiftly, he took off all the stage clothes and threw back on Jongin’s black hoodie and black trousers.

Jongin had called for him, telling him that some of the audience wanted to take pictures with him, but Jongdae couldn’t stay. The human only smiled before hopping in a taxi.

It was nice that the taxi driver didn’t try to make a conversation with him as he cried quietly to himself. The cuffs of Jongin’s hoodie was rough and hurting his skin, but he didn’t have anything else to wipe his tears away.

This was too much. Jongdae was supposed to be here and dump away all the feelings, not picking up more, stacking it on top of the hurt that he hadn’t even dealt with properly.

There was a strange connection with Chanyeol he didn’t feel with his wolf, and it scared Jongdae. He didn’t want his wolf to know though there wasn’t any way to let her know anymore. For her, it had been a different kind of special, and Jongdae only bit at his tongue, trying not to cry anymore as he stared out the taxi window. 

Instead of going straight back to the apartment, however, he pulled his hood over and tightened the strings all the way, leaving only his eyes, nose, and lips through the tight circle, paying for the taxi fare, finding himself in the night market.

Jongdae used to love coming here with her. She would offer to pay for every single thing, being the egotistic dominant wolf she was. Jongdae chuckled. He meant that in the nicest way possible.

As he passed through the food stands in the market, eating quietly to replicate what he had done long ago, the human and wolf elders would coo at his handsome burrito face, peaking through the tiny circle of the hood. Jongdae just smiled, cheeks warm with the praises, heart lighter with the memory of his wolf doing the exact same thing, belly full of happy nostalgia.

“On the house, sweet pea.” An elderly woman offered him a cup of tteokbokki.

“But you don’t have to, auntie. I’ll pay—”

“Just take it,” there was a knowing smile. And it brought tears to Jongdae’s eyes because, of course, he couldn’t say no to wolves. They knew everything about him, his reactions, his feelings, his scents. They had always been so nice to him.

“Thank you so much, auntie…”

Jongdae bowed deeply before walking away trying not to let his tears fall into the sauce. His wolf had done the same things. Feeling his anxiety and offering him food.

Jongdae had only ever found comfort in these beautiful creatures, but he had never thought of how much they could hurt him in the end.

Only when he passed a clothing store that Jongdae found himself staring at all the handsome tailor suits his wolf used to tell him. She had always loved him in suits, telling him that he didn’t wear it enough.

So Jongdae giggled stupidly to himself as he pointed at the dark grey checked suit and royal blue tie, spending at least 700 dollars happily, dressing in the newly bought fabric. Though he didn’t think of buying proper dress shoes to match, Jongdae thought his black converse didn’t ruin the look too bad. He had Jongin’s hoodie and trousers bagged, and he was off to the port.

Jongdae didn’t wander towards the sand this time. He leaned against the sea railings, watching the sea reflecting the light of the moon and the harsh neon of the city skyline. From afar, he could see fishermen and their vessels floating on the waves. The lighthouses on the edge of the rocks kept his mind alight with the memories of walking down the trail hand in hand with his wolf.

Two days later, Jongdae was dragged out of Jongin’s apartment by none other than his other favorite dongsaeng.

“Sehunnie~~ stop…” The man giggled as Sehun tried to tickle him on their way to the party of the festival. Jongdae knew sure that he wasn’t part of the crew, but Jongin had insisted that by helping out in the opening act, Jongdae had earned a permanent seat in the Korean barbeque party.

Soon, Jongdae found himself in Sehun’s lap, hiding his body underneath the wolf’s hoodie, head pressed against Sehun’s bare chest, unable to peek out. He wasn’t ready to suddenly open up to a bunch of friendly wolves. Jongdae had missed this, of course. However, it was a bit too quick, too close for comfort.

They had been early for the party anyway, so Jongdae fell asleep, ear on top of the wolf’s heart, letting the purrs set his mind at ease, arms wrapped loosely around Sehun’s waist. It had been his favorite thing to do with his dongsaeng. Even after so long, Jongdae was still Sehun’s pocket hyung. And Jongdae was than happy to be pampered.

When Jongdae came to, Sehun had maneuvered them into a more comfortable position as Jongdae lay back on Sehun’s chest. He was still underneath the hoodie when he heard a familiar voice.

“Um… what’s … that your mate?” it made Jongdae shiver when he heard that word, and Sehun clearly caught his distress, sending a low growl at Chanyeol in warning, telling him to shut up.

Jongdae still in the dark let his fingers run down Sehun’s back, his skin smooth underneath his pads. “It’s okay, Sehunnie… don’t be mean.”

Then, Jongdae emerged through the neck of the hoodie, his neck bare against Sehun’s, drawing giggles out of him. However, his eyes couldn’t see from all the build-up, and he couldn’t use his arms either, trapped underneath all the fabric and his whines must have made Sehun soft, hearing the younger cooing at him before helping him clean his eyes out.

It kept him warm this way wearing Jongin’s hoodie and being in Sehun’s hoodie.

The wolves in Jongin’s pack cooed at him cutely, seeing how compact he was in Sehun’s hold. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary either. Most knew their routine, their childhood friendship bond of human and wolf.

Then, everyone started grilling and cooking. Still inside Sehun’s hoodie, Jongdae let his hands stuffed in the front pocket of Jongin’s hoodie, allowing Sehun to feed him whatever he thought the older needed. It was adorable really Sehun trying to feed him like this. Jongdae missed this dearly when he moved to the city, and he was happy knowing the younger hadn’t stopped treating him like a baby one bit even though Jongdae was the hyung.

It was strange that throughout the barbeque, Jongdae could tell that only Chanyeol seemed to be uncomfortable, eating from across the table. He wanted to say something, but he was too melted in Sehun’s warmth.

Jongdae wasn’t a fool, however, catching Chanyeol’s eyes whenever he thought that Jongdae wasn’t looking. And Jongdae knew that he wasn’t the only one who noticed.

Sehun had only gripped him harder in his hold, and Jongdae appreciated that. The older wasn’t certain of his own ability to make any decision at the moment.

When they were back at Jongin’s apartment, Jongdae lay on the couch in Jongin’s clothes, not bothering to change.

Jongdae found himself both flustered and angry at how sharp Chanyeol’s gazes were when their eyes met.

The veins pulsing in the wolf’s neck, the slight frown on his face, the tension in his hands, the clenched jaws, the nose flaring every time Jongdae nosed against Sehun’s neck.

He shouldn’t be feeling this way. But at the same time, Jongdae didn’t have the heart to say no. This time, not out of his stubborn ways of appeasing others, but due to a more supernatural cause. He felt like if he said no, the wolf might be hurt, and Jongdae didn’t want to be a reason why a wolf got hurt. He loved them too much.

It hit too close to home, and Jongdae didn’t think he was ready for another wolf after already losing one so suddenly.

Jongdae spent the next three weeks buried deep in Jongin’s clothes, hanging off Jongin’s couch, sleeping his way through the early days of summer, mumbling words he used to say to his wolf in his sleep.

Perhaps, this hadn’t been useful at all. If anything, he felt even more pain than he was supposed to.

It was, of course, Jongin that dragged him out to his dance studio. Jongdae got to breathe different air, but that was that. Whenever Jongin wasn’t dancing, Jongdae draped himself over the younger’s laps like a melted cat, reveling in the warmth of the wolf. Jongin went so far as to let him pet him in front of his students.

And to keep Jongin’s mind sane, Jongdae agreed to take a walk in the late evenings. It had been his favorite thing to do back then walking in the night under the streetlight and the crescent moon.

For once, he was in his own black short-sleeve t-shirt and the dark trousers that he had worn the first day he arrived on the island. Jongdae knew he shouldn’t be hiding in Jongin’s clothes, and having Jongin spell it out for him had been painful.

The sun was setting, overcasting golden orange upon the sky as the cold bit away at his bare arms.

Soon, he walked past a garden, spotting that familiar mob of bleach-white hair on the wooden bench strumming away on his guitar.

He didn’t know what to say when their eyes met. Jongdae stared down at Chanyeol who’d paused in his playing.

The flower petals of Jeju flowed with the evening breeze.

He could see Chanyeol visibly shuddered when he inhaled a breath.

Jongdae had been hiding his scent underneath other alphas’ clothes, and to let the wind carry his true aroma along with the flowers must have been too much for Chanyeol.

Perhaps, it had been Jongin’s plan all along, but Jongdae didn’t care. He watched the wolf look away on to the road ahead and continue on playing.

Jongdae contemplated walking away, but the melody Chanyeol was playing was so charming, calming his loud mind. 

So he settled on sitting by Chanyeol’s left side, letting his eyes close, feeling the music flowing through his veins, hearing Chanyeol’s breathing close to him, burning with the heat of Chanyeol’s body close.

It felt as if it had been only a moment this peace.

Chanyeol’s guitar had stopped, and Jongdae opened his eyes, looking up to his right to see golden eyes staring at him intently, blinking softly and slowly.

“You’re cold,” The deep voice filled his ears.

Only then that Jongdae realized he had been shaking with goosebumps on his arms, hair standing upright to the cold wind.

“It’s alright,” his voice too hoarse, too small, but he knew Chanyeol could hear him. “I’ve been colder.”

The wolf let out a soft growl and shook his head before setting his guitar to his right side. Hands fumbling with the zipper of his own navy blue hoodie, Chanyeol took it off and draped it over Jongdae’s shoulders without questions.

And this warmth blanketed Jongdae in a way that filled his heart with sound. It was different from Jongin’s. So much warmer. So much safer.

Jongdae had stayed so still that the wolf had to move and wear his sleeves for him. This hoodie was so much bigger than Jongin’s. Jongdae didn’t understand the logic. Those two seemingly looked the same builds, but somehow, the sleeves were so much longer that his hands weren’t peeking from the cuffs at all.

The cuffs swung limply without arms that were long enough to wear them.

The hood swallowed his head whole.

The rough fingers zipped up the hoodie, coming up close to his bare neck before retreating.

All of this time, Jongdae silently watched Chanyeol carefully tended to him.

This warmth felt like no other, like home.

Even after it all, Chanyeol stayed before him, kneeling, looking up at him, searching for discomfort in the human’s eyes with his gentle golden ones.

“You can keep it,” it was almost a plead at that point.

Jongdae couldn’t help the frown on his face.

“I have plenty,” the wolf insisted.

Jongdae wanted so bad to refuse, but he was only human, eyes lost in the shimmering gold of the wolf’s eyes. Jongdae would like to think that something else pushed him forth to nod dumbly at the wolf’s offer.

When Chanyeol smiled up at him that way like Jongdae was the only thing that mattered at the moment, it made Jongdae’s fingers clenched at Chanyeol’s hoodie sleeves that he couldn’t fit.

He could feel his cheeks burned in warm comfort as Chanyeol walked him back to Jongin’s apartment.

From time to time, he looked up to the guitar strapped to Chanyeol’s back, his bleached hair quietly swayed by the wind, his hands gesturing to all the flowers he knew, pointing to the stores in the local areas, asking if Jongdae had been there, if Jongdae wanted to be there. Jongdae only shook his head softly. Chanyeol didn’t push. He simply smiled in understanding and kept on talking about something else.

That night, he slept in Chanyeol’s hoodie, heart full of the bright deep voice and the gentle guitar melody that flooded his evening with kindness and warmth.

And then his summer days were suddenly _more._

He found himself in odd places on the island, enjoying the beauty of nature and people all around him.

Sometimes, he would cross paths with the same golden eyes that were fond of him. And each time, Chanyeol would take off his hoodie and put it on top of Jongdae’s same black t-shirt, telling him to keep it. Each time, Chanyeol would offer to keep him company. Each time, Chanyeol would walk a little closer. Each time, Chanyeol would help fill his silent walk with vivid commentary of odd happenings on the island, of his own life.

The wolf had grown up on the other side of the island and met Jongin’s pack a few times in his childhood before moving in to join the pack later on as he grew up. Jongdae learned that Chanyeol was wandering around the island, trying to find inspirations for his songs.

The human had grown up on the other side of the island near Jongin’s pack and met Jongin throughout his human years before joining the pack. Jongdae didn’t explain how, but Chanyeol understood. Jongdae then left for the city with his wolf to hopefully start a new family or pack of his own, whatever the mix of human and wolf were called, but now he came back empty-handed. Jongdae let Chanyeol learn that Jongdae was wandering around the island, trying to clear his mind of the city that had suffocated him.

Chanyeol’s eyes faltered when Jongdae mentioned his wolf’s passing. Though Jongdae didn’t explain how, it seemed that Chanyeol had already known which wolf he was referring to.

“Now, now… my mate thinks I’m cheating with some other alphas,” Jongin kicked some of Chanyeol’s hoodies across the floor of his apartment.

Since Jongin stopped lending him clothes, Jongdae had been wearing his same black t-shirt and dark trousers while Chanyeol had been giving him more than plenty of hoodies to survive the rest of the year.

Chanyeol had been sharp, knowing exactly what Jongdae adored, and the wolf had been pestering him nonstop about it although Jongdae didn’t really mind. It kept him warm, and Chanyeol didn’t complain about giving away the clothes, so Jongdae kept accepting.

Jongdae wouldn’t know what he kind of scent he had now, but he knew that he must have reeked of Chanyeol.

The human merely chuckled at Jongin’s tiny whines as the alpha wolf tried not to get too close to Chanyeol’s clothes.

Jongdae picked up Chanyeol’s hoodies on the floor and draped them over himself as he slept on the couch. He didn’t have a blanket anyway, so it felt nice being kept warm at night.

It was the full moons that Jongdae couldn’t sleep through no matter how safe Chanyeol’s clothes made him feel. Instead of sleeping, Jongdae wandered the island at night, letting the light of the sidewalk determine how far he could go.

Jongdae walked underneath the full moon with the suit he had bought those weeks ago just to spice up his looks though it wasn’t as if he had more than two sets of clothes anyway.

While his eyes were lost, in awe at the bright stars above, Jongdae heard a growl on the other side of the road.

A flash of red filled Jongdae’s vision before a huge wolf in its ethereal form revealed itself in front of him. The dark coat glistened underneath the moonlight as it stepped across the road.

Jongdae’s heart was beating against his ribcage as he looked around from side to side, worried that traffic would appear and sweep the wolf away.

But there were no cars speeding, and the wolf made it safely to where Jongdae was, coming up close. Its muzzle was above his head as it lowered itself to lay beside Jongdae’s feet.

The red eyes were pleading in pain, but Jongdae could only offer gentle pets across the thick and majestic coat as comfort, whispering promises of a safe place for the wolf to rest.

The human didn’t know how long had passed. He only knew that once the wolf had calmed down, it shrunk itself, the fur dissipated, the bones cracked and shortened.

Soon, before Jongdae was a beautiful woman in her bare skin, features as youthful as she could be, body resting comfortably on the grass, long raven hair sweeping across Jongdae’s laps.

He exhaled out of relief, seeing how the wolf in her human form was unscathed and breathing normally.

He took off his suit jacket, his vest, his blue tie, his white shirt, his trousers, and his sneakers, leaving only his own black t-shirt and loose boxers on. Jongdae then carefully dressed the wolf up with his white shirt and trousers before putting on the vest and jacket for extra warmth. He didn’t want her to freeze to death in human form in the cold night.

Jongdae didn’t realize he had been crying until he noticed droplets wetting his own arms as he buttoned up the jacket for the sleeping wolf.

It was a genetic disease that had plagued the wolves for centuries. As wolves grew older, there was a chance that they might lose control to the full moon, stuck in their wolf forms while their consciousness was unable to connect with their human side. Now, only a small percentage of the wolves’ population was effected, but Jongdae’s wolf had been one of them.

As Jongdae continued to let his fingers glide across the wolf’s beautiful raven hair, Jongdae wondered how different it would’ve been if he had found his wolf earlier this way.

It was perfectly aligned as the constellations.

Jongdae had been busy then, marking his students’ grades, not noticing the full moon. His wolf had been outside. The car had been speeding. Jongdae didn’t have the voice to speak when he saw his wolf in her wolf form unable to change back as she lay unmoving on the gurney. It had been so quick. Jongdae couldn’t even process it. Jongdae didn’t know that she had the disease in the first place, and clearly they both discovered it too late.

Even at this moment, the wolf in his arms comfortably purred against his chest as Jongdae let her lean back against him. Jongdae was outside, wandering at the right place, finding her at the right time. No cars were in the way, and Jongdae was right by her side, setting the wolf at ease and coaxing it into her human form easily.

It made Jongdae hate himself even more because if he had stayed on the island instead where there was less traffic…

When he felt the wolf was moving in her sleep, Jongdae smiled a curled smile, happy that she was safe and sound. In Jeju, there wasn’t anyone who didn’t know anyone. It was a safe place, especially more for wolves than for humans. There would be pack members scouting out for her. So Jongdae laid her on the wooden bench nearby and made his way back to Jongin’s apartment, arms hugging himself trying his best to stay warm, his body shaking to the cold, his feet bare against the pavement, his mind muddled from all the guilt of losing his wolf and the happiness of saving a vulnerable wolf on the island.

It was 5 in the morning when he got back to Jongin’s quiet apartment.

Jongdae only freshened himself up a bit before putting on the thick black hoodie that had been Chanyeol’s favorite and curled himself up on the couch, trying to wash away the images of a beautiful silver coated wolf bloodied and unmoving.

For days, Jongdae refused to step outside of Jongin’s apartment, fingers clutching Chanyeol’s hoodie close, wearing them, having them as blankets. He silently thanked Jongin for stocking the fridge up with food and ramen, dealing with his destructive human personalities.

Jongdae couldn’t look at the calendar and think of all the wolves that he couldn’t save on the full moon. He didn’t dare to turn on the TV to see numerous reports of the shifting wolves dying because of the surroundings. Ever since he was aware of the disease, it seemed to appear more and more. Shifted wolf drowning, stuck in the sewers, run over by cars… The humans had tried to help, but they could only do so much to catch up with the predatory speed of a wolf.

The older wolves had dreaded the full moon, and it was usually the lone wolves that suffered through this the most as they didn’t have a safe shelter. Some wolves unaware of the disease were also victims to the full moon.

The whole island had heard about the wolves being lost to the full moon, and thankfully, none of the wolves on the island were hurt. Of course, there were more packs on the island than back in the city. So Jongdae would like to think that even without him, the wolf that he saved would probably be found safe anyway since this had been a place for wolves.

Jongin had mentioned one time as he tried to convince Jongdae to get out of the apartment.

“There’s a wolf looking to thank you,” Jongin said from the kitchen. “I haven’t told anyone yet, but I know it’s you.”

Of course. Jongin had been the only one who saw him with the suit, and from Jongdae’s prediction, that wolf must have kept his suit ever since she woke up.

“It’s nothing really,” Jongdae mumbled from under the golden-eyed wolf’s hoodie.

It was days later that Jongin had enough of Jongdae’s sulking.

Jongdae had been draping his lower body with Chanyeol’s hoodie, his upper body with Chanyeol’s hoodie, and wearing only Chanyeol’s hoodie underneath since his clothes were reduced to black t-shirt, loose boxers, and cheap trousers, and they were still being dried out the balcony. He hadn’t expected giving away his only pair of sneakers, and he didn’t want to borrow Jongin’s things anymore. Maybe, later, he’d tell Jongin to buy them for him.

He knew that Jongin was in the kitchen, preparing something, but Jongdae was curious as to who was ringing the doorbell. It couldn’t have been Jongin’s omega, the wolf had his own place and preferred Jongin going to him instead of the other way around.

As Jongdae blinked up at the ceiling, a familiar mob of white hair filled his vision.

A smug look on that stupid wolf’s face he wanted to smack off.

“Hyung.” Chanyeol rested his palms on the couch’s arm, golden eyes burning with interest, smirking at Jongdae’s sleeping figure covered in his own clothes.

“What? Go away. I’m naked.” Jongdae pulled the hood over, his face stuffed into the corner of the couch. He didn’t care if he was suffocating himself at this point. Jongdae knew that he was going to kill Kim Jongin afterward.

There was a burst of boisterous laughter above him, and then his hood was pulled back, his human eyes looked up at the mischievous gold dancing in the wolf’s eyes.

“I’m trying really hard, hyung,” A cute pout on the wolf’s lips, and Jongdae knew exactly what Chanyeol was talking about. And Chanyeol might have already known the answer. “What does my hoodie have that I don’t?”

“Size.”

And Jongdae blamed that on his nervous heart for drumming so loudly that his brain was fried upon seeing such a beautiful and handsome wolf’s face this close for comfort.

Of course, he could hear Jongin’s obnoxious laughter from all the way here, but Chanyeol wasn’t laughing. The white head was rather amused. Another smirk on his face, his brows raised in playful inquiry.

“Oh… really?”

“Hnnn! Jongin, tell Chanyeol to go away!”

“Nu-uh~~”

“Urgh, I hate wolves.”

“I know, I know… You hate wolves very much.” Chanyeol was now sitting on the floor in front of the couch, face leveled with Jongdae’s head peeking from the pile of hoodies on him.

Yes, Jongdae decided that now he hated wolves very much because the way Chanyeol just rested his forearms on the cushion, his face smiling in adoration this close to Jongdae’s human face was too much. Alphas and their stupid confidence. _Urgh._

“You know, hoodies aren’t the only thing that can keep you warm and satisfied,” it was so corny that both Jongdae and Chanyeol were laughing with each other.

“Shut up, you— You’re annoying,” trying his best to not blush, Jongdae offered the wolf a slap in the forehead that broke gold out of the wolf’s eyes, leaving big bright chocolate eyes staring back at him with the most hurt puppy face Chanyeol could muster.

There was a cute wolfish whine, slipping from those soft lips, which reminded Jongdae how adorable wolves were, but Jongdae needed to hate them at the moment, so he ignored the kicked puppy expression.

“I can’t believe you use my hoodies as blankets…” Chanyeol was supposed to sound disappointed, but he looked too proud at the moment that it made Jongdae rolled his eyes. “That,” Chanyeol pointed at the grey zip-up hoodie that was covering his lower half, “was at least 200 dollars, and this,” Chanyeol tugged at the white zip-up one Jongdae was hugging and covering his upper body, “was 350 dollars.”

Jongdae hummed in amusement this time, staring back at eyes that were glowing golden once more. “So, do you hate me now? Using your expensive hoodies as blankets?”

Jongdae could point out the one that was thrown haphazardly across the floor right behind the couch. That might have been at least 500 dollars if Chanyeol’s standards of fabric were that high although Jongdae didn’t feel bad cheapening the wolf’s clothes one bit.

“Yes.”

“Angry?”

“Yeah, like _big bad wolf angry_ ,” Chanyeol smiled a wolfish grin, letting Jongdae see the sharpness of his fangs as he winked playfully at the human. “If it had been someone else.”

Of course. Of course. Chanyeol would say that. Jongdae whined in reply, hiding further underneath the pile of hoodies.

“If this is what I have to deal with for the rest of my life, I’m perfectly okay with it,” and it tugged at Jongdae’s heart too much. The human refused to look back at those warm golden eyes. Jongdae wasn’t ready to hear that. Jongdae wasn’t even sure if he would ever be ready ever again to hear that. 

“Wait— what—”

Chanyeol had lifted Jongdae’s head and seated himself at where Jongdae had been residing this whole summer, letting the human’s head lie comfortably upon his laps.

“Sleep, hyung.”

“But—”

“Shh… it’s okay,” Chanyeol smiled down at him, fingers tender upon his forehead, tracing his human hair lightly, petting him to sleep. “Sleep, hyung. I’ll be here.”

So that evening he fell asleep in Chanyeol’s hold, seeing nothing but the flowers of Jeju island in his dream.

Summer was drawing to an end.

Jongdae spent the rest of his days in Jongin’s apartment, still drowning in Chanyeol’s hoodies.

Chanyeol then would show up and cook for him. Each time, Chanyeol always found excuses to give him even more hoodies to Jongdae, and Jongdae always found it difficult to refuse the gentle wolf his gifts. Each time, Chanyeol would keep him company, watching movies, but not the werewolf ones because it offended the _alpha_ wolf greatly. Each time, Chanyeol let Jongdae curl against him on the couch, purring for the human so that Jongdae could fall asleep during the last full moons of summer.

Every time Jongdae woke up before Chanyeol, the human looked up to the gentle features of the wolf, staring longingly at those parted lips, the fuzzy white hair, the chubby cheeks, the pretty lashes.

Every time Chanyeol woke up before Jongdae, the human looked up to the fond golden eyes, staring back at him, blinking dreamily, bubbly cheeks flushed, lips stretched handsomely to a small morning smile.

“I’m going back,” Jongdae said to Jongin when he finally showed up, and he had to hold back a giggle because his apartment was definitely Chanyeol’s territory now, and it was all Jongin’s own fault.

“I see.” Jongin had paused opening the fridge before continuing to reach for a cool bottle of fresh juice. “Did you tell Chanyeol?”

“No…” Jongdae leaned back in the warm golden hoodie that Chanyeol gave him yesterday. On the floor beside the couch were stacks of folded expensive hoodies that the wolf had gifted him. “but I think he already knew that.”

Jongdae didn’t know what to do with all these clothes. He’d love to bring them with him, but he didn’t bring any luggage with him large enough to house all forty hoodies. And he had already spent so much money being unemployed this summer to buy any luggage.

He had run away long enough, and it was time to go back to the city. His wolf would’ve wanted that. Jongdae learned now that he wasn’t ever going to stop loving his wolf, and he was sure that his heart wasn’t ready for Chanyeol to enter his life at this moment no matter how painful to see those golden eyes silently pleading for him to stay.

Jongdae had brought only his credit card, his id card, his transportation card, and nothing else.

As he stood waiting at the port of Jeju, he breathed in the last summer air, hands comfy in the golden hoodie’s front pocket, his hair so much longer now flowing with the wind. Jongdae thought that he could pull off the soft mullet that Chanyeol had so long ago back at the festival. However, going back to the city meant Jongdae would have to cut it short, so he reveled in his wild form while he still could.

“Hyung!”

It was that same pull in his heart, filling up his stomach with pretty Jeju flowers as Jongdae turned back to watch that imposing height running up close to him, white hair bouncing all around, hands pulling at a huge luggage bag.

Soon, Chanyeol was panting before him, eyes bright warm golden, staring down at him.

“It’s going to be fall…” Chanyeol started after taking a breather. “The evenings will get cold.”

Jongdae looked up at the wolf’s young features. It was adorable that Chanyeol always wore hoodies that were even much bigger than himself. And it, in turn, always drowned Jongdae whenever Chanyeol gifted him those sizes.

“You’ll get cold.”

The wolf rolled the gigantic luggage towards Jongdae.

“Don’t tell me it’s all hoodies in here?”

Jongdae tilted his head in question, and when Chanyeol’s lips parted as the wolf stared dumbly back at him, hands scratching his nape shyly, Jongdae let out a bubbly laugh, feeling lightheaded at the affectionate gesture of the wolf.

“What!? You— you like them!” Chanyeol half whimpered, half scoffed, pouting at the human.

Some things about wolves always had Jongdae’s heart. Or perhaps it was just Chanyeol. Whatever. Jongdae wasn’t going to admit that in front of the alpha. It wouldn’t be healthy for the ego.

“And it’ll get colder in winter, too… so you’ll need a lot.”

So this time, there weren’t just regular hoodies but winter hoodies as well.

Jongdae beamed brightly at the awkward wolf standing stiffly before him.

“Chanyeol-ah, come here.”

A tiny wave for Chanyeol, and the wolf leaned in closer.

So close that Jongdae could feel Chanyeol’s breath on his face, breathing in his scent.

And Jongdae lifted his hand up, letting his fingers skim the soft locks on the wolf forehead, carding through the white mob of hair, trying to style the unkempt state back to normal, petting the wolf through it all. He had never had the courage to pet Chanyeol before, and Jongdae thought he might as well do it in these last moments.

Standing this close, Jongdae could hear the purring rumbling deep in the alpha’s chest as his kitten lips curled prettily at the golden eyes that glistening so brilliantly down at him.

So Jongdae let himself go for time being, pulling Chanyeol by the nape into a warm embrace, letting Chanyeol nuzzle against his neck. Arms clung desperately at the broader shoulders, body flushed against the wolf’s shivering stature. Of course, Chanyeol would be the kind of alpha to cry. Throughout it all, Jongdae gently stroke the back of Chanyeol’s head, feeling the soft hair against his fingers the first and last time.

It felt nice the weight of Chanyeol’s against his body, the deep purr against his human heart, the warm breaths against his neck, the safe hold of the wolf’s arms around his waist.

Then, Jongdae let go while Chanyeol reluctantly let go.

The human looked up at the wolf, smiling.

“Thank you, Chanyeol-ah. I promise I’ll stay warm.”

The wolf looked downward at the human, hesitating.

“Um… Can I … text you?”

Jongdae chuckled at the flushed cheeks of the handsome wolf. “You’ll need my number, then.”

Chanyeol blinked for a few seconds before his hands furiously dived into his hoodie’s front pockets, his pants’ back pockets, his pants’ front pockets.

Jongdae tried to hold back his laughter as the wolf’s distressed whines and whimpers echoed throughout the port.

“Ask Jongin later, then.” Jongdae tried to find the wolf’s eyes that were now flickering with disappointment. Chanyeol had never looked more like a kicked puppy ever today.

Then, Jongdae held on to the handle of Chanyeol’s luggage.

“Goodbye, Chanyeol-ah.”

“Bye, hyung.”

He could still feel those golden eyes staring wistfully at his back as he walked up the stairs that bridged the land and the ferry.

Once Jongdae was safely on board, he looked back down to the wolf that stood lonely down at the terminal transfer.

For a long time, the ferry stayed still, waiting for more passengers and vehicles while the wolf and the human gazed upon each other silently, two beings on different grounds. 

It only served to break his heart even further once the ferry finally started to move away from the island.

Each step Chanyeol took forward unknowingly as if he could follow Jongdae grew more painful the closer the wolf got to the water.

Even from so far, his human eyes could still see the bright golden ones watching him yearningly.

Only when Chanyeol became one with the island and Jongdae couldn’t make out the handsome figure from afar did Jongdae let his tears fall.

As the ocean waves gently hit the ferry, Jongdae kept on going, hands gripping harshly at Chanyeol’s luggage.

Soon, his feet were walking on the pavement once more.

While he journeyed back to the city navigating through train stations upon train stations, swiping his transportation card left and right, all Jongdae could think about was Chanyeol. He wondered if those wolves in the train could smell Chanyeol on him.

It was 3 in the morning when Jongdae’s back hit his own mattress once more.

Jongdae had been happy that he was a human because if he’d been a wolf, he could’ve smelled his wolf so strongly.

And Jongdae went back to school, teaching as he’d always been doing.

Each day he woke up was a little easier with Chanyeol’s text waking him.

Each day he cried less and smiled more at the pictures of him and his wolf in his apartment.

Soon, Jongdae was able to dig up the rings he had thrown underneath the bed and wore them around his neck, keeping her close to his heart, feeling less the pain, feeling more the nostalgia.

Though Jongdae didn’t reply to any of Chanyeol’s texts, Jongdae did read and acknowledged the wolf’s presence in his life because he did let the wolf text him, but the human did not promise to text back. Jongdae was still unsure, of course, but his mind was clearing.

Each sentence Chanyeol sent him kept him alight with that same warmth the golden eyes had always given him.

Each song Chanyeol sent him kept him calm and falling gently with the melody of his guitar.

Each picture Chanyeol sent him kept him picturing the wolf’s life on the other side of the country.

At midnights, Jongdae found himself in the convenient store staring up at the moon, eating three cups of ramen: spicy, his favorite; cheese, his wolf’s favorite; and kimchi, Chanyeol’s favorite.

In Chanyeol’s winter hoodies, Jongdae would play with the winter snow after finishing his last class of the day.

It was spring when Jongdae walked underneath the cherry blossoms at night.

He pulled the pink hood of Chanyeol’s hoodie off his head, letting the petals brush against his cheeks.

Jongdae wondered if after all this time the wolf was still thinking of him as the human had been for the last two years. He wondered if Chanyeol still kept the hoodies he left in Jongin’s apartment.

Chanyeol never stopped texting though Jongdae wasn’t sure the wolf now harbored the same feeling for him as the human finally did for the wolf. 

Then, Jongdae felt the midnight breeze waft against his body, sending shivers down his spine.

A pull in his heart, in his stomach. That familiar pull Jongdae felt from seasons ago.

And though Jongdae wasn’t a wolf, Jongdae’s inner wolf would’ve have confirmed this feeling since that summer.

Jongdae turned back to golden eyes that seared brightly gazing at him.

The wolf stood taller, broader in his long grey coat and that familiar navy blue hoodie underneath, his white hair shorter with a handsome undercut that made Jongdae’s fingers want to card through.

And then, the wolf stood before the human, a purr deep in his chest when Jongdae beamed brightly up at those golden eyes that could only see him even after all this time.

“Hyung.”

“Alpha.”

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> my heart has melted. what about yours?


End file.
